All 13 Seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians


Emoji summary: 😌💅🏼🌞

after years of being too stuck up and proud, thinking i am decidedly clever and above it, YEARs of not even wanting to know which kardashian was which bc then I’d expose my tender appreciation for popular culture, I watched 1 episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, then 1 season, then literally all 13 seasons over a month; and it was so fkn enjoyable i now must EAT MY HAT or my book like that stupid brexit man on twitter.

It’s a TV show with a good flavour: like u get that lite documentary access to rich people’s lives w stylists, planes, sponsors, letters from royal families asking for some of ur ovum, special salads that come in a plastic box that you have to shake energetically, fashion shows, airy houses with atriums and columns, almost a helipad in the garden but not quite, hair pieces, a waterslide in the garden instead, horses, launches, clubs, and lots and lots of dogs. that’s the flavour part, and then there’s nourishment in the coincidental narrative value of their lifestyle, framed with careful direction and production. i don’t say this to academically justify why i watched 13 seasons over a single month rather I just want to stretch my thoughts out around the show and cheerlead it to my past self. come on, opt into the cultural imaginary, enjoy its levity and its stories. Don’t you wanna be there when memes are born?

to 2 set the scene:

- kimmy k is demure and stable. she reminds me of the saying ‘if you want something doing, ask a busy person.’ She is that cool older cousin u have who is obviously the trendsetter. she has a lot of gravity and she knows herself very well. i feel so so bad for her after the robbery. poor baby, fk that.

- Kourtney Kardashian is my favourite tho because she speaks in a slow motion deep valley girl voice and speaks literally; narrates her family in a way they feel like characters. i want to see her on Gogglebox. She tells everyone around her v plainly when they are being dicks, when they look silly, or when they have lost the surface of a situation. she is kind n loves her children and i think it makes sense that she would buy herself this new spirituality she’s touting.

- youngest sister khloe kardash is the type of person that wont just sit in the house and watch keeping up with the kardashians with you because it’s sunny outside and she’s planned some actual activities instead. she’s the cousin you have a water fight with or the auntie that makes everyone play charades. she does annoy me, and i can’t quite figure out why, but she’s also very vulnerable i think. I am sorry her relationship with Lamar was so unfair.

- i should also say I dont care about the jenners because the tall skinny one is a pepsi ghost; I cant tell if Kylie wants the life she is living or is there against her anxious will?; and Caitlyn is just literally a Republican.

Kris is the project coordinator and Kim is the creative director in their family as an institution. I like them as a collective noun above all. how they jump in pools fully clothed, are so tangled, matte, emotionally articulate; how they say ‘i love you’ to one another five times a day, and never really hold grudges. there’s an episode when they’re about to have an argument and Kim says ‘reset’ and they just close the book, it’s so powerful. They are a family like a fertile army n they’ll be stable as long as they keep having babies.

Seasons 1-6 are a lot of little love stories, lunches, and pranks the sisters play on each other out of pure rich boredom. 20 minute episodes, nice n light. Then it feels like the directors started to take the project seriously, postured the 40 minute show. less happens per episode now but i love that they’ve managed to not dilute the programme in doing so:: it’s stretched out and steady. And I appreciate that it isn’t ever stressful. Every so often something little happens but they remain genuinely calm and just sit with their feet up on couches and talk about their feelings with an iPhone limp in one hand. what would have been a rock thrown at a window is more like a leaf falling quietly onto the surface of a pool. I was recommended The Simple Life after i finished the Kardashians but it was not a nice viewing experience. the show i watch while i do my makeup or have my lunch has to be calm so that these moments in my day are a relief. i cant be fucked for Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie being antagonistic and classist. like I haven’t started the new season of House of Cards yet because I haven’t got the energy for it right now. I want kardashians bc i want soft entertainment; glam ASMR for my eyes.

and i starttttt to think about how the studio scenes when they narrate reactions or situations are filmed in media res and also in retrospect ? ? ! and how that’s a kind of fiction embedded in a reality tv show presentation. I look at some scenes and think, that was the second take wasn’t it - the directors asked you to say something to help clarify the way the episode is structured. But I’m not mad one bit. i think it makes it even easier on the eyes, gently helping u follow along with their wild slow days ☁️

the original family photo that’s used in the title screen of the kardashians for the first season, and everyone’s outfits are insane
a classical kim kardashian selfie where she has a big flower in her hair
an architectural digest image of Khloe and Kourtney and the kids doing crazy staged poses on outdoor couches