Wonder Woman

When I was 13 a man beat me up. very dramatic opening line but I have to start the Wonder Woman review this way n context it a little, even vaguely, because I want my writing to be sincere, careful and mine:

ok

*    it was the middle of March, middle of the week. I remember every sad moment of the violence itself like it is strange dance choreography i was being taught step by step by step. it is still a part of me like heavy-handed muscle memory. I was stuck feeling very visible afterwards n throughout like, a nurse took photos of my body in the local children’s hospital, teachers held me back to speak slowly after classes. ppl were being tender with me because somebody had turned me inside out, which was kind of nice after what had been an acute and empty day. And while i’m 9 years away from it, i havent ever really confronted what happened or how much it meant to me. at 13 i just compartmentalised, held it at arm’s length, and stopped looking the problem in the eyes. but its been going round my head like an annoying song recently, v sticky. idk i think it’s pretty typical to take this amount of time to look back n finally sort out ur childhood problems. I just didn’t expect Wonder Woman to be a part of that recovery:

like, i thought would be an okay superhero film that i’d watch and be annoyed at because everything is shortsighted, cruel, erasing, made 4 men and made without conviction when you are a good killjoy sjw: u can see through things. But jeremy corbyn, from start to finish my eyes kind of hurt because they were so on edge to cry. the entire film was women OVER it, done with how historically they have been positioned in relation to men and never to themselves. v cool fighting women who jump up 2 spin in the air and simultaneously fire off three arrows, that kind of thing. I was just sitting there thinking ‘i’m going to search for fighting classes on groupon once this film ends, I can’t wait.’ my sister is downloading the soundtrack for the gym, and she said after once we debriefed that ‘there was no point when she wasn't in control of herself.’ it was exciting to see women prepared, strong, and above men. ahhhhh

buttttt this problem tho: that Gal Gadot, the actress who plays Wonder Women, served in the Israeli Defence Forces. Last week I published a review of Tao Lin’s book Richard Yates and got a message from a reader about the allegations of statutory rape against the author, and I’ve since added an ‘EDIT:’ to the page. It’s an important punch to the stomach bc, and i wonder what you think about this, could the morality of the creative producer in/validate their product? with Tao Lin it could, and yes with directors in general like Woody Allen for example. but Gal Gadot isn’t the director and she also isn’t her character - and right now, in this mental state, I don’t need or want her to be. i was moved to watch a woman fight bad men and i felt so championed by that very simple thing. i know it’s selective hearing but maybe selective hearing’s important for fiction to truly be fiction; protected and separate, happening in another time zone and dimension with made up people n special effects, somewhere wonder women exists. I am very held by The Handmaid’s Tale at the moment but Elisabeth Moss is a scientologist. argh. so I am finishing this review on the train to London v tired after staying up to watch the General Election results and feeling sick and confused at this unnecessary new coalition. Today, I want to allow Wonder Women its fiction and I don’t want to expect of it the invasive sincerity and responsibility i do of politicians. I want to stretch my arms out and feel how it’s pushed reset on the mainstream superhero narrative. I want to be happy its protagonist is not a blue-eyed blonde american girl with a ski slope nose. i wanna be happy there are no boob or bum shots. i wanna celebrate its obviously having a female director, Patty Jenkins. and mostly, because life comes before art, i want to honour my 13 year old self by admitting this film was emotionally satisfying for very personal reasons. i really didnt expect it to feel this much of a relief from Wonder Women and i am very grateful and emotional and exhausted 💧