i can't look the internet in the eyes


I think a lot about how much I dislike the social media timeline experience. I think the only /timeline/ I’ve ever enjoyed was on Tumblr, and that was because it was such a weird, thoughtful mix of content, some of which had had a lot of time put into creating it. What is particularly ? alienating ? to me at the moment is that I have my phone volume off most of the time and/or keep videos muted, so when I go on Instagram I just see loads of people dancing to music that doesn’t exist. Suddenly, the clips become these unnatural, online artefacts and the second-hand embarrassment pains me. Is that bad. Everyone is in their underwear for some reason, jutting shoulders and making faces, and if they’re not doing a dance for dance’s sake, they are simply getting dressed? I am seeing them put on a skirt and then a top, and then a jacket, shoes, and finally some accessories. The rhythm is there but it isn’t. Like, I love a GRWM, I even love watching a dance, but the short form content is so vibeless, like the atmosphere has also been compressed in the edit, that when it is divorced from its soundtrack, i feel as awkward as the video I am watching. Maybe the choreography was good once but now it has been diluted and performed by so many angular people that I can no longer appreciate it for what it is. And why have I seen everyone in their knickers and bras? No music to distract me, I’m just seeing them like that and like, I never asked to? The algorithm is testing me, I swear to god. I just want to see what my friends and family are posting. Stop showing me this repetitive shit.

You know that other embarrassing season of the Internet when people posted pictures of themselves planking /in unusual places/, it feels like we are going through something similar; like, seeing a bunch of planking images with no context, or even with it, feels just as mysterious and regretful. Not in a ,,,, virtue sorta way ,,, but in a ‘I’m going to grow up and look back at this and not be able to watch it, just delete, delete, oh my god’ kinda way.

Idk, maybe I am 28 and wrong. It’s just not my jam so I’m spending less and less time in these places (a good thing), and making sure I’m creating the kind of stuff that I feel comfortable with (long form, a whole book), hopefully work that I can still bear to read, watch and listen to in another ten years (when I am nearly 40 haha, fuck, oh god). I hope Instagram has died by then. I am counting on it.